Controlling our reactions and managing our emotions is a significant part of everyday life and is required in every encounter with people, from family encounters, daily encounters as a parent, as a person, as a friend, and certainly in the workplace. However, when managing people and generally working with colleagues, managing clients, etc., managing our emotional reactions is more critical due to the many implications both for relationships, business results, and for future careers and business connections that we develop.
Any human encounter can be wonderful and can evoke discomfort and vulnerability. The problem with an encounter that evokes discomfort or vulnerability is that the response that comes out of us is often not the response we would like. In moments of turmoil, stress, or a sensitive spot being hit, the mind loses control and emotion takes over. Such an emotional hijacking happens when our level of preparedness is low. Our ability to respond quickly and well, to manipulate our communication effectively, to achieve good results in challenging situations is a function of skill and awareness.
Angry responses, irrelevant responses, out of proportion, hurt the other person but most of all, they hurt us in the end. It’s embarrassing, it’s destabilizing, it hurts personal, business or organizational relationships, even if we didn’t even intend to react that way. And after all these consequences, there’s the biggest frustration of all, the disappointment in yourself – at my age, in my position… a feeling of failure, embarrassment and shame.
Can we better manage our reactions? Why is it important, and how do we do it?
Why is this important? Because we would all prefer to work and be in contact with talented and nice, pleasant, communicative people than talented and unpleasant, unstable, explosive, hurtful people. Unless you are a one-time, irreplaceable talent that people would be willing to put up with everything from you, and that is rare. Too rare. In such a case, what usually happens is that the frustration comes out in all sorts of ways below the surface, in harming places and people that can be hurt, in speaking badly about the person, gossiping with significant others, and even giving them a bad name. In addition, it is more difficult to promote people who do not control their emotions because it may cause harm to a greater number of people and affect motivation, relationships in the organization, or relationships with customers. Poor emotional management is a difficulty for the person and the organization.
If we also consider the fact that no creative work or organizational business progress takes place in a vacuum or is created by one person, the importance of good and correct communication in any situation is clear and immense.
And if for a moment the thought passes that…ok, so maybe I, so-and-so, don’t respond. Well, but he’s a professional, then it’s forgiven. So that’s not so much. Certainly not for long. Why? Because precisely the understanding that a person in his position explodes, communicates poorly, responds poorly will distance others, and reduce the level of courage to raise ideas or problems. And the consequences – distancing, isolation, damage to trust, and the loss of good ideas, curiosity, and creativity in the organization.
Can and how can we improve learning and become more efficient at it? The short answer is yes, the long answer is that it requires an internal change in thinking about things, the mainstream, and an external change in speaking about things. In the middle, there is a change process that needs to be worked on, and practiced for the change. But if we understand the enormous benefit of good communication both for the individual and the team, and for the organizational culture and the business and social results of the organization, we will invest in it and upgrade to a better version, to a new and up-to-date generation of communication.
