🍃 How It Usually Begins | 🧭 Looking a Little Deeper | 🌱 Creating More Choices | ✨ A Different Way to See It | ↗️ Keep Exploring
You notice something that isn't working. You know you should probably say something. But the conversation doesn't happen.
An expectation isn't being met. Something in the way a person works is affecting others. Or the same issue has come up more than once.
There is another meeting starting. Something more urgent needs attention. The next 1:1 is only a few days away anyway. And the issue isn't that serious. At least not yet.
So it waits.
Sometimes until the next 1:1. Sometimes until a formal feedback conversation. And sometimes until something that was relatively small is no longer that small.
There are many reasons these conversations feel difficult. We may not know how to start, worry about the other person's reaction, or simply feel uncomfortable bringing it up.
But there can be something else underneath.
We want to see ourselves as supportive and fair. We want people to trust us. Being the kind of manager people want to work with can become part of how we see ourselves in the role.
And suddenly, saying “Something here isn't working” doesn't immediately feel consistent with that picture.
Then there is doubt. Am I being too critical? Are my expectations reasonable? Do I have the whole picture? My way isn't the only way.
And underneath all of that can sit an even more uncomfortable question:
Who am I to tell another person that what they're doing isn't good enough?
The conversation isn't only challenging because of what it might do to the relationship. It can also challenge something in our own identity as managers — the person we believe we are, and the manager we want to be.
Try changing the frame.
Instead of:
“I need to tell them what they're doing wrong.”
Try:
“There is something happening here that we need to look at together.”
Notice whether that changes how you think about starting the conversation.
What belongs to you, and what belongs to your role?
Being a manager doesn't make your judgment automatically right. But are you seeing something the other person needs to know about in order to succeed? An unmet expectation, an impact, or a gap?
What are you actually hesitating about?
Is it the conversation itself, the other person's reaction, or what saying something difficult might mean about you as a manager?
💡 Being supportive and saying something difficult aren't necessarily opposites. Sometimes saying it while there is still room to work with it is part of the support.
We tend to think about the risk of having the conversation.
What if they get hurt?
What if they disagree?
What if it changes the relationship?
What if I get it wrong?
Those are real possibilities.
But leaving something unsaid is also a choice, and it has consequences.
A small gap can become harder to change. Someone can continue without information that could help them. And a conversation that could have been a small course correction can eventually become a much bigger feedback conversation.
So alongside “Who am I to say this?”, there is another question worth asking:
What is my responsibility as a manager not to leave unsaid?
